HOW TO REPAIR THE STEM ON YOUR READING GLASSES.

     The screw holding one of the stems on my reading glasses came loose and fell out. The following are necessary to repair my reading glasses.
Step 1) try to recover the screw that fell out. Since that screw is nearly microscopic, you will need glasses to help you see the fallen screw.
Step 2 ) if you have found the screw and managed to set it aside while not losing it again, lay a plain light-colored dish towel on the table or your desk. Lay out the glasses frame, the stem, and the screw on the towel, then try to start the tiny screw in the opening. After losing the screw several times trying to see the tiny hole, proceed to,
Step 3) drive to the local super market/pharmacy. Select the style of reading glasses you wish, with the optics you need.
Step 4) select a pair of eyebrow tweezers.
Step 5) while going through the checkout, pick up an eyeglass repair Kit. Total cost $49.
Step 6) back home. Sit before you eyeglass repair project and recognize with gratitude that the cat hasn't walked over your project. Break in to the packaging of the reading glasses with a sharp pair of scissors, try not to poke the blade into your hand. Place the glasses on your face. 
Step 7) remove the packaging around the tweezers. Hopefully the scissors are nearby. Pick up the screw with the tweezers and transfer it to your other hand, turning the screw into position to drop into the hole. 
Step 8) adjust the desk lamp for better light. Pick up the screw that you just dropped with the tweezers and transfer the screw to your other hand, turning the screw into position.
Step 9) your fingers are well adapted for carrying fireplace wood. A practice not often needed in these days of carbon-consciousness. Instead of the transfer, pick up the screw in a position to drop into the hole with the tweezers. Drop the screw into the hole.
Step 10) very important at this point to try to keep the cork on the bottle or leave the bong un loaded. Pick up the screw, place it carefully into the hole, and....
Step11) reach for the tiny screw screwdriver with your dominant hand while steadying the screw with the tweezers in your left hand. Begin talking to yourself, "god-damned it, why didn't I learn to be ambidextrious!"ambidextrous!.
Step 12) pick up the screw with the tweezers in your left hand, drop into the hole, position the screwdriver on the head of the screw and turn carefully until you feel the slotted head engage.
Step 13) pick up the screw once more, place it in the hole, position the screwdriver and turn carefully until engaged.
Step 14) look very closely at the screw head. The screw is a Phillips head, the screwdriver is slotted head. 
Step 15) there is no other screwdriver small enough to work on this tiny screw. Carefully leave the screw in place and go through the glasses repair kit, looking for an appropriate sized screw. With a slotted head. There is not even a screw of the right size in the repair kit to repair your glasses with.
Step 15) carefully place your old reading glasses tools, screws, and screwdriver in the plastic grocery sack and drop the whole thing in the trash with an appropriate epithet. 
Step 16) pour yourself a double-shot of your favorite distilled beverage. Drink half of it. 
Step 17) load the bong.
Step 18) sit back with your feet up and reflect on what you could have bought with the fifty bucks.

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