MY EX'S DOG LOVES ME

     My ex's dog likes me. An extreme like. Aww hell, call it love. When I drive up to their driveway, Wilbur is waiting, anxious for the  backdoor to open. When he is released he rushes my car, his hind parts moving rapidly from side to side. I'm a cat person. When we were married we had cats and a dog, all rescues. When we split up, I went petless for many years. Pinkie, my girlfriend who passed on a few years ago, wanted a cat. We were sharing a cabin cruiser on the Willamette River. The cat, Gracie, became all mine when Pinky went into assisted living and later hospice care. Gracie had gravitated to me anyway. Animals don't feel obliged to be what we want them to be. 

    

 I don't think it's possible not to love a dog or cat. Being a pet parent requires certain responsibilities congruent with the temperment of the animal. Dogs need to run, cats need to roam and climb. There are some people who shouldn't have a pet. Most importantly when the pet-parent is a lousy human animal. The shock of Kristi Noem's fall from grace by shooting her cute puppy in the head because she could not be bothered to train it, has died away with her chances to be vice president to Donald Trump. She also shot a goat because it smelled. What did she expect a goat to smell like, Axe Body Wash? And she lives in South Dakota. She likes to appeal to people who shoot. Sometimes they shoot paper, sometimes they shoot other beings. There seems to be a type. Donald Trump is known for not liking pets. We are not surprised. I can see no scenario where that would end happily. If I was a Dog I would bite him. Not in his fat ass because it stinks back there. I would leap into the air and bite his nose. 

    

 I have been imagining if there is a Republiican currently holding office, who would be genuinely friendly with any pet, outside of a venomous Black Mamba. A snake with an equally vicious reputation. I'm not coming up with any. Let's ignore the rest of the Trump family as pet-parents, we know where that is going. Let us hope Kristi Noem's children are successful in finding a happy home far from their mother, and let us look at some other prominent MAGAts. Ted Cruz pops up like a little terrier waiting in the freezing house for his family to return. The Senator fled an ice storm in Texas a couple years ago, leaving his fluffy little dog standing at the window. At least he took the wife and daughters with him. The daughters appeared to have a different idea of where they wanted to be, i don't blame them. Would you want to spend a week with Ted Cruz? What must his wife be like, if she can tolerate him? 

     Then there's House Speaker Michael Johnson. I think a cat would shun him. He's probably a tea-cup poodle type. They're too small for a painful bite, and they make him look like a grown adult. What would Rand Paul have as a pet? It would have to be a libertarian dog. A dog that earns its keep. A show dog maybe. Or a prized Coon dog with papers, so he can pretend to be one of the people in his sorry-ass state. No doubt, the coon dog would attract admiring friends. Petting the Senator's dog would be an exercise in sanity; it allows you to forget Sen. Paul is in the room. It might also save Sen. Paul from getting his smug face punched for his arrogance. It is likely he would leave it to the janitor to clean up the dog-shit. 

     

What would Senator Ron Johnson have as a pet? You might think of him as a dog person. Needing the dog to validate the Senator's barely discernable humanity. But is there  anything about his dour Visage that would be attractive to a dog? Likewise there is Sen Marsha Blackburn. We can celebrate that she doesn't own a parrot. A parrot mimicking her voice would not be the amusing experience they usually are. Sen. Tom Cotton might be the proud owner of a cottonmouth snake, which he shows off in its glass terrarium, no doubt presented to him by a grateful billionaire. And Senator Josh Hawley, author of a book on how to be a Christian man. Can you imagine him petting a dog or cat and not wiping his hands with a sterilized tissue?

     

The point is, we should elect politicians who have enough kindness to treat pets, and people, with something more than a snarl and the expectation that both animals and constituents should be useful in some indefineable way. Consider the example of President Biden. Two of his dogs, rescue dogs, bit Secret Service personell assigned to protect the President. He didn't shoot them, he didn't return them to the shelter he rescued them from. Both dogs now live happily with friends in Connecticut where they have room to roam and friendly people to reward them with affection. Consider President Obama's Portuguese Water Dog, Bo. Pictures of Bo and the Obama family show the happiness he displayed for his family. Those pictures also display the genuine affection the Obama family displayed for Bo. It wasn't some Republican quid pro quo.

     Richard Nixon, then a Vice president, shot some film (film, not the dogs) with his dutiful family and their dog, Checkers. It was intended to display his kindliness in the face of accusations of a slush fund. Republicans seem to have trouble being "relatable" to the electorate. At least they tried in in that time when a  Republican president was liked, to be relatable.

There was a Democratic President who was criticized for his treatment of his dogs. LBJ had two beagles who he would sometimes raise from the floor by their ears. In fairness, it was only the front paws raised from the floor, and the dogs seemed genuinely happy to this 13 year-old boy. 

    How a politician treats an animal is how they will treat their constituents. Remember that as you fill out your ballot this fall.